What is it like to have to walk by faith in a decision that could change your entire life around for better or for worse?
Welcome back to my series called “A walk with God”. If you want to read the previous series you may do so here at When you run into a brick wall that stops you in your tracks: A walk with God
A life surrendered
At this time of my life, I had already gone through so many things that have left me with confusion, but I do believe this is where God wanted me. Not at a state of confusion, for God is not a God of confusion just as His word says. But I do feel God needed me at a point where I was throwing up my hands in full surrender to Him because I had no clue about my life or where it was going.
I was literally at a crossroads with not knowing where I was going to live, where I would work or what I was even going to do with the rest of my life.
These are things that a student who just graduated high school go through, not a woman who is 32 years old ya know! So I was definitely in question during all of this especially with this mystery man whom my heart was falling in love with more and more.
I did not forsake my time with God during all of this, I actually was so involved with God on a daily basis in everything I did as though He really was a visible person standing with me at all times.
The more I fell in love with this man, the more I had to fight the battle in my mind that told me I was crazy to think this was real, to think this was from God. Because after all, I had already been on the path from God and we all know how Satan comes and tries to throw a desiring new path in our way to sidetrack us from God’s path. So I was at a state of complete questioning, but yet walking in faith before the Lord.
From August to October, my life had flipped completely around in every area of my life in such a short amount of time. And all a sudden I stand here empty-handed with nothing, no money, no job nothing but a few belongings in my vehicle and a man that I am falling in love with. I truly had to lean on God throughout this time because he was the closest person in my life during this time.
I was not receiving any answers from God about this man and the only thing God would tell me would be a question He would ask, which only I could give an answer too. Faith and its actions in my life really took a whole new understanding for me at this time.
What was about to happen in my life would set a path for me that most in the world would call crazy. The only path and plan that was not being shut down by God was the path that involved this man I had met online.
Committing myself to him
He asked me to marry him two weeks after we met online! This, of course, following after I had told him I was in love with him and he told me he felt the same way, but of course, we both could not explain it. We were both questioning God and he himself had a very strong relationship with God and he continued to ask God if I was the one for him. But the only thing God would tell him is “I told you I would let you fall in love with your wife.”
It was the very next day after I said that I would marry him that I went to the courthouse with my mom to get our marriage license! After I had my part filled out, I overnighted the paperwork to him that same day. He then found a friend of his to be a witness and went to his courthouse and had the paperwork all filled out and shipped it back overnight to me.
During this time we were both seeking God with all of our hearts, not for a husband or a wife but just desiring and aiming for a deeper relationship with God. There was something that was drawing us together that we could not resist no matter how many times people around us told us we were crazy and try to talk us out of getting married.
The only person in my life that I had to go to about this that would not try to talk me out of it was my mom, she helped us arrange our marriage and helped us with everything we needed to become husband and wife.
During this time with all the excitement and still confusion that I was feeling God was still silent when I would ask for a definite answer about marrying this man and moving to Colorado. Don’t get me wrong He had talked to me throughout my day about anything else in the world I wanted to talk about! I’m not kidding, he would talk to me about spaghetti if I had a question about it, but when I would ask Him about if this is the man I am supposed to marry and he would be silent…crickets.
Also at this time of my life, I did not even think about losing my sister in October because my mind was so busy with everything else that was happening this massive change in my life that was about to occur. But I had also been in so much prayer with God about this that He had filled my heart with such a peace regarding losing my sister in October that no matter if I wanted to think on it, it was as if He had blocked this from being allowed in some weird way, but yet there was complete peace in it.
We had made plans that he would come to Iowa by train and we would get married the moment he got off the train that evening. And then a few days later we would fly back to Colorado together as newlyweds. I had tried to sell my vehicle to make some money to at least have as I am going into this marriage, but yet again every attempt I did to get rid of this car failed. So I had just planned to leave the car at my moms until someone bought it, after all, I had someone look at the car and they told me it was junk and would not make it to California at all and that I needed to get rid of it ASAP (this was when my plans to move to California were in place)
We began to skype each other every night and we grew closer to each other in these moments. And we finally shared what our last names were with each other after we had confessed being in love with each other! So here I am not finally able to see this man in action from the shoulders up and I finally after several weeks of talking, knew his last name! So, of course, I did what any sane person would do… I investigated him online with every free option I could! I did not find anything that would scare me about him, but I was able to see his family and friends and got to know a little more about his life through facebook! Yes, I stocked him, but what sane women marrying a man she has never met wouldn’t do this!
The day’s true closer and closer and now it was 24 hours before I was going to meet him in person, he had already left on the train because it had taken him about 24 hours to get to Iowa on the train and we were going to meet at a train stop in Des Moines Iowa. However when I called him he said he was getting ready to stop at a train stop in Mount Pleasant Iowa, this being only 45 minutes from my mom’s house compared to the 3-hour drive it would take to get to Des Moines. So I quickly told him to get off the train get his belongings and we will pick him up there.
I was not supposed to meet him until 7 or 8 that night but because he was in Mount Pleasant I was now going to meet him six hours earlier than planned and my mind and my heart was not prepared to stand in front of the man that I’m about to marry. A man whom I had never met before and was hoping that he would still love me once he has seen me in person. All kinds of thoughts were running through my mind as I sat in the back of my step Dad’s truck while he and my mom conversated, I was trying to calm every nerve in my body and having conversations with God.
As each mile became shorter and we were reaching our destination my heart was fluttering so fast I could barely breathe normally. We pulled into the town where the train stop was at and crossed over the railroad tracks, and there it was… the train station and within that train station was my future husband that I was going to see for the first time.
The above picture is an actual picture of the train station that my future husband was sitting in and waiting to meet me for the first time. Right through that door, was the rest of my life, my dream come true and I had hoped that he felt the same way about me.
But what we had thought about each other the moment we saw one another was not what was expected…
Hey everyone thank you for reading the story of my walk with God. I know you are eager to find out more about what happened when we first met each other in person, so please subscribe to my blog to get the next part of this story! Scroll down and look for that subscribe option and place in your email! God bless!