One afternoon I heard God say “It is time to share your testimony with the world, I want you to share all that you have experienced within my presence”
Who is Kingdom Daughter? I know that I have not written a lot about my personal life here in my blogs, and that is because I have dedicated this blog to God and whatever God wants. But funny to say, God has recently been telling me to write about myself for the last two weeks and so I have decided to obey Him! I have kept names and towns disclosed for privacy purposes, but I have before you, the story of my life and how I came to be Kingdom Daughter of Denver Colorado!
I began writing this and had finished and was happy, only to realize that I had 8 large sections and knowing that this could not possibly be placed in one blog I decided to do parts instead! I do hope that you enjoy my writing as I have tried to do my best to include main details to get you involved in the story, but know that many things may or have been left out either on purpose or by accident! I will be posting these pretty close to each other so that you can read them in sequence.
I am an Iowa girl and no we are not corn-fed! As a child, I always knew God was there with me and had conversations with Him, to know a little more about this read this article Little shack in the woods this article explains my beginnings with God and how my relationship grew with Him even as a little girl. Starting at the age of 5 years old my Mamma did a good job raising us to know about God and surrounded us with lots of her Christian women groups, gatherings, attending church, and prayer groups.
But for me personally I do not recall knowing God myself until I got a little bit older, probably 7 or 8 years old is when I remember truly knowing God as a child, again read the little shack in the woods to read more about the relationship I had with God as a child, it is something that I had forgotten over the years but that God had reminded me of this year! So I had been raised as a church girl, I knew God and knew the commandments and why I shouldn’t sin because I would go to hell and that Jesus would come back at any time! But I didn’t know a true relationship with God until I got older and had to face some pretty rough things of the world that would throw me into the arms of Jesus.
My Youthful Beginnings
So I have lived a life knowing God, but that does not mean that I did not have one foot in the world and another in the Lord as I became a young lady. My life in the world began at the age of 17 when I had met my first adult boyfriend and lived in sin with him, got pregnant, and dropped out of high school. However, after moving 300 miles away from my family to live with this man things began to fall apart very quickly after my arrival, as I had ended up having a miscarriage with which I had no idea as a young woman what was going on, because honestly, I did not think I was pregnant, I had my assumptions but did not think it was true.
But not only had I gone through the miscarriage I had to bare alone without any family or friends because I was new to this town, but I had also found out that my boyfriend at the time was also seeing someone else and had asked me to go back home to my parents (He was 21 at this time) So needless to say despite my broken heart as a young teenager, he drove me all the way back home and dropped me off at my front yard, did not even get out of the car just let me out and I had never seen of him again until later on in my life over a brief encounter. So back in with my parents, I went, but I did not go back to school instead I found my own life to live and I instantly started hanging out with a crowd that was of the world and did everything in the world for enjoyment, and I followed suit.
At 17 years old all I wanted was to mend my broken heart and forget about it and find something to fill that gap that was left in me after losing my first love and having a miscarriage. But as many know and have experienced yourselves, all I found was more hurt, pain, and strongholds. I was finding myself with different men and trying to find love in all the wrong places, drugs and drinking were my go-to for fun and enjoyment and soon those desires that were left empty in my life began to take control of me because I was not running to God but instead to the world to fulfill my brokenness and this caused me to move deeper into drugs and heavier drugs, crystal meth being my choice of drug at this time. This caused me to get into a lot of trouble with authorities and I found myself in the bed of men I did not even know but was following my lustful desires and of course I was always either drunk or high on something.
Oh to be Young Again!
By the time I had turned 21 years of age, I had already gone through two failed relationships, and the second relationship that I had gotten involved in from the age of 18-20 was just another lifestyle of crystal meth, cheating, physical abuse from him and complete chaos. I began searching out my loneliness in men at bars and had ended up living a lifestyle of pure sin and had stopped caring at all about God and his plan for my life. Until one night while completely intoxicated I was heading to the store to get more alcohol with a friend of my sisters that I had just met that night who asked me to drive the rest of the way because of a road closure check, and me being so gone already I agreed and ended up in jail that night for driving while intoxicated.
This was not my first time in jail or being arrested, I generally in my past had been arrested for assault or disorderly conduct, or even for stealing things. But never for such a crime as this, but little did I know this would be exactly what I needed to get my life in order. To keep this short and simple, I was to only have supervised probation because this was my first offense in this despite my record, however I did not follow the rules to this and after a couple months I ended up having to serve 8 months in a Federal Jail, my designer outfit for the remainder of my time was Orange jumpsuit attire and brown plastic flip flops! I am very grateful for my life ending up in jail because this is where I found myself in the arms of God again.
When I am confined to a small square room as my living space, the only thing that I could really find myself doing was seeking God and reading my word. I will admit the first month or so I came to jail was not so “holy” as we will say, but I won’t get into that, let’s just say it took me a while before I finally submitted to my lifestyle in jail and gave my all to God. But when I did, He came running at me with open arms ready to receive me in the mess that I was in, and he changed my heart and I began to long for him and seek him daily in jail…
What would follow would be known to some as jail-house religion, where you are faithful to God and seek him only because of being in jail.
This was partly true, however, after only having to serve 4 months thanks to my Grandpa for bailing me out early, I was back in the world and very happy to be free again. But my freedom once again came at a cost, as I began to go right back into my old ways of living, but this time in a different state. I had met a man at a bar whom I had known growing up in church and from that first night we reunited in the bar we began living in sin together. He was a recently recovering addict of crystal meth and I had just gotten out of the slammer and had moved back to Iowa (I spent my time in jail in the state of Missouri) Before I knew it I was back on crystal meth and partying like there was no tomorrow, living in complete sin of the world, except this time I had a buddy to help me stay in sin and I thought it was love because we had both tried hard to continue to follow God, but made up every excuse in the book so that we could live in sin together every night.
Time to Grow Up!
My life went on like this for about 4 years before I had finally straightened up and at the age of 24 I had gotten a job at a hotel part time after losing my last job and had to have a job to make my car payments, at this time I was walking closer to God and really trying to change my life for God, the only way I knew how. I had attended church a couple times, but it all seemed to churchy for me at this time of my life. So I just sought God in my spare time and began to have a relationship with Him.
I was still living in sin with this man, although we were not in a loving relationship at all, instead we were in the kind of a “booty call-friends for so long so might as well keep hanging out together daily”- kind of relationship. It was not fulfilling for me, but it was all I had and all I clung my hope towards when it came to romance and being loved by a man. As time went on (about a year) I ended up being offered a General Manager position at the hotel that I had worked very hard at, and I was blessed with everything I put my hand too and I prospered very well in this position.
I was able to get my own home which I had prayed and asked God for, and after 5 years of having faith in this home which I wrote down in detail in a journal. It was given to me in the exact amount of rent I had asked in a journal to God 5 years earlier!
There were many blessings in my life at this time, too many to mention but know that when I had given my life back to God and was trying to have a relationship with Him, He definitely showed up in my life in so many ways and not just physical or material, but in spiritual ways as well with encounters of Him and His presence that I had never experienced before. God is good ladies! So my life was changing for the better, I was no longer on any drugs, I was working full time running a business and staff and excelling at all I did! After a few years, my life was great and I was truly happy in the place where I was with God and where I was in my career, but my love life was a complete mess and so was I, I just didn’t know it yet!
My Crumbling Life
By this time I was almost 31 years old now, it was almost 9 years of back and forth with this guy I met at the bar and had been living in sin with him these nine years, and I won’t go into detail but the relationship was very hard and we had lost our trust with each other early and I had been through a lot with him. But it was only the beginning as I had found out that he was having an affair with a woman from his work who was a single mom, and that this had been going on for 2 months by the time I had caught him.
This caused a hole in my heart that was so deep nothing I did could fill it but cry out to God and weep and whale on the floor once I was home after I had found out, I was terribly hurt and I had thought that our relationship may have been going somewhere considering our length of time together living in sin, and the fact that we were both in our 30’s now and that we would eventually settle down even amongst all our differences and lack of trust. My life was once again at a halting stop, and everything I thought I knew had ceased to exist, leaving me completely filled in one area, but completely broken and empty in my heart once again…
Stay tuned for the next part, I will do my best to get this out very shortly so that you won’t have to re-read this to catch up! Thank you for taking the time to get to know me a little bit better and my walk with God, I do hope that you will enjoy the rest of my journey because it is filled with the most amazing Spiritual encounters, Faith and absolute crazy fulfillments from God! Stay tuned and I look forward to sharing more of my story with you!
If you like this and want to read more about Kingdom Daughter please see the “Seeking” section at the top of this page and don’t forget to subscribe!
Stay beautiful my friend,Pamela