How to stop the accusing thoughts against your Husband

Do you find yourself struggling sometimes to think good things about your husband?  Are there days where you are mentally accusing him and keeping track of all he has done wrong so far in the day? Want to know how to stop that?

I will be talking more about the Titus Scripture where I shared being Holy as a wife, if you would like to read this please do so here Why your Holiness matters to your marriage

So we will jump right in on Titus 2:3-5  scripture “The older women likewise, that they are reverent in behavior, not false accusers…  And in starting this part of this blog lets take a look at a lengthy scripture, but I assure you is great!

I want to talk a little about John 8: 1-11: But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.  Now early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people came to Him, and He sat down and taught them.  Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery.  And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.  “Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned, But what do You say?  This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him, But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.  So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.  Then those who heart it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last.  And Jesus was left alone and the woman standing in the midst.  When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours?  Has no one condemned you?  She said, “No one, Lord.”  And Jesus said to her,  “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” 

As you are probably familiar with me doing, I am going to break this scripture down in a Kingdom Daughter kind of way!  First of all, the first thing noticed in this scripture is that it was early morning, so the start of the day Jesus went to the temple and sat down and began to teach them.  So His day is starting off pretty good and on the right path, much like our day starts out, we wake up early and we plan to spend time with God and surrender our day to the Lord and walk in the Spirit of God…  Then out of nowhere disturbing the presence and peace come scribes and Pharisees and with them, they are bringing a woman (now honestly you know she is scared right now and in fear, probably with her head down in shame) they place the woman in the midst of everyone there, so as to make a spectacle of her before Christ (does this sound familiar- Colossians 2:15 Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it- Satan always has to mock and copy God) 

The next sentence, “This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him.”  So not only here were the scribes and Pharisees accusing a woman and bringing her wrongs and sins out as a public spectacle, but they were also with much bigger agenda ( as Satans normally is) bringing accusations to Jesus Christ through the accusing of the woman.  It’s a double slap in the face, and not privately either, but in public in the temple of God and in the middle of Jesus teaching.  But Jesus, being the amazing Lord that He is, stoops down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear them”  I fell in love with this part!  “As though He did not hear them”  because Jesus does not listen to the enemy as they accuse God’s children, Jesus did not even give an ear to the accusations at all, but plainly in sight of everyone watching and listening, he chose to ignore the statement, and not just once or twice, but it says next – So when they “continued” asking Him… So they had to continue to nag in His ear because they would not let this subject drop, they wanted to be right and accuse this woman of adultery, but most of all they wanted to ketch Jesus in a trap that would have a rippling effect with all He taught.  (Keep in mind this is how Satan works)

So it says next that He raised himself up and said to them “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first”  (Matthew 7:3-5 take a peek)  And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground, not only did Jesus ignore this the first time, but when He did address it a second time after being nagged and questioned about it, He finally spoke truth to the accusers, and they all one by one left the temple leaving.  Jesus still writing on the ground and the lady standing there probably now absolutely in awe of what had just happened, not to mention all the bystanders who were at first listening to the teaching of Jesus before all this spectacle of a show happened before them. 

woman in black long sleeved shirt
Photo by Designecologist on

Moving on…Jesus was left alone and the woman standing in the midst when Jesus had raised Himself up (Know that He did not address the woman AT ALL until ALL HER ACCUSERS were gone and absent) then He said to her “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”  Know here that He is giving her a chance to soak this in and realize that there is no condemnation or accusations towards her, and she first needed to realize this before He would say anymore (and as I always say; this alone is another lesson to be learned about knowing what Jesus is asking her here… another day though!)  So she answered Him “No one, Lord.”  Then Jesus said to her “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more”  And then it states Jesus spoke again to them, He just went right on teaching, as if this little plot of the enemy did not even happen, we should definitely take note of how Jesus handles the enemy in the Bible, because it is an example for us to learn.  It is amazing how Jesus took this matter so lightly and without any personal judgment on the woman OR the scribes and Pharisees, He had love and compassion combined with truth towards them all.   He handled this entire situation in such a loving and wonderful way, but was able to still handle the situation without hostility, fighting or anger stepping into His response AT ALL!  Yet it was handled!

Now that I have all that explained in a better sense where you can grasp it better, I want to go into how this affects us as wives in our marriage, home, and friendships.  We are not called to be false accusers, only the enemy is an accuser, as you see above Jesus had NO part in ANY of this accusations, but yet the situation was handled properly.   And this is how we are to handle our situations in life, we are not to accuse of any reason, but are to ignore any accusations we are hearing in our heads (thoughts) towards our spouse, loved ones, co-workers, friends ext.   

Only Satan is an accuser of the brethren as it says in Revelations 12:10  Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down.”    As it states here in scripture there is only one accuser, for Jesus did not come to accuse or teach us that we should accuse John 3:17 “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.”  Just as the scripture later on that we read in John 8 how Jesus saved the woman and Himself from being condemned!  

Therefore my dear friends, if we are to imitate the image of Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1, Romans 8:29, Ephesians 5:1) we must learn to not allow the accusing lies into our minds and allow them to flow from our mouths, for this is not God’s purpose for us woman of God.  Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat of its fruit  And we just read how this type of death was in the tongue of the scribes and Pharisees who were wanting to kill the woman and strike Jesus with His teachings, thus putting Him also to death.   But instead dear sisters in Christ, we are to do as Ephesians 4:29 informs us, please meditate in the Holy Spirit on this scripture daily!

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.       Ephesians 4:29

Accusations cause corruption in our homes, and we are not to allow this even proceed out of our mouths, I wrote a post earlier this year that would be a great read regarding this scripture When our abundance talks…  It will explain this in more detail and I encourage you to take a gander!  Most fights start with an accusation that creeps into our heads, for example, “Look at what he is doing, does he not know anything” Sounds simple yes?  Well, let me explain that in this harmless little lie, is an accusation waiting to explode as the scribes and Pharisees were doing to Jesus, starting off with a little accusation that would then be turned against Him and His teachings. 

Satan is doing the same thing in this lie, only justifying it with your own feelings and actions towards your spouse or friend.  Because you see, what is going to follow this tiny little teensy little thought of lies is this type of thinking: “Of course he doesn’t know what he is doing, for crying out loud if he would listen to me… this man never listens to me, EVER…its common sense…I am SO upset with him, and now I am left to finish this, and he knew this would happen… I bet he did this on purpose because he knows I will always clean up or finish things for him.. he takes such advantage of me all the time…I am not touching it… yes I am, because if I don’t, I know he won’t and then it will get destroyed… Lord, I am so angry at my husband, I need your help…”  So you can see how this one tiny little thought can very quickly escalate into a ticking time bomb.  All planned out and perfectly executed by none other than your enemy, and sadly we take the bait on this way too often in our daily lives.  We began accusing our spouse or friend of something before we had even asked them about it, and better yet talked to God about it first!  

This type of thing happens all the time, and believe me when I say that this is a plot of the enemy to destroy your day and your spouse or friends as well, it was planned by the enemy to cause division and strife in your relationship,  for Satan comes to steal away your peace, joy, and path that you were walking in at the start of your day when you had dedicated it to God (remember!), Satan comes to kill all your hopes, love and laughter that God had planned for your day and that God had set before you to walk victoriously out in, and Satan comes to destroy you in any way possible, and even by means of using YOU to destroy others around you… All because of a small accusation that pops in our heads about our spouse or loved one. 

We are to be like Christ Jesus when he had such compassion for this woman even knowing her sin and wrongdoing He loved her through it with compassion and truth.  The scribes and Pharisees, even Christ Jesus had compassion and love for them, for He knew what spirit they were of, and it was not of God but that they too were being tempted by the accuser of the brethren, and Jesus had compassion for them and did not embarrass them in such a way to belittle them, but instead He did so with truth, with truth Jesus put the lie to rest and this is what we are to do as Kingdom Wifes, we are not to accuse or allow the lying spirit of accusation in our thoughts, instead as soon as we feel we want to accuse anyone of anything, we must first subject that thought to the obedience of Christ Jesus.

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.  For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into the captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.                         2 Corinthians 10:3-6

This scripture is one of my favorites and one that I do my best to meditate on daily because if we can do this with every single thought that comes across our brains, imagine the freedom in Christ we would have!  This scripture will help you to understand how to stop accusing if this is a problem for you in your home.  If you will begin to slow your role for a moment and capture all your thoughts before you allow them into yourself, but first check each one that is trying to be processed into your brain, and first take out your little mental checklist of how Christ Jesus acts, how He replies to others and how He treats others (all this is found in the word of God- READ IT!)

And if your thought does not match up with the thoughts and actions performed by Christ Jesus and how He acted or how He would talk to someone… then that my dear friends is a thought you need not entertain, but instead subject it to the obedience of Christ instead, and not to your brain! In other words, take that thought and speak the truth of Gods word to the thought, and watch that thought disappear.  You must subject EVERY thought to the obedience of Christ just as the scripture says, because it is in our thoughts where the enemy injects his lies, do not drink the cool aid of the enemy guys, its poison and a ticking time bomb! haha

I know this post was a little longer than even I had anticipated, but it is so important in our walk with God, and really important for our marriages! If we can put to death the lies of accusation in our thought patterns towards our spouses, we will begin to see that there will be fewer arguments, less strife and less of the enemy taking over your marriage.  We wives (and woman) must remember who God created us to be, and accusing spirits of the enemy is not one of them, we are of the Spirit of God and therefore we should walk and be an example of how Christ Jesus was, for He was our example!  I urge you to read your word, find out how Jesus acted in all situations He was under, for He was tempted with ALL things as we are in our daily walks, and this includes in our thoughts, yet He prevailed and NEVER gave ground to the enemy and either should we, it is not impossible for Christ did it and through Christ Jesus we can too!

Thank you for hanging in there with me, again I know this was a long read and I appreciate your time! I leave you with a prayer that you would in all things seek the word of God, use it as a weapon and see the many uses the word of God is in our daily lives, for it is not just a reading material- it is POWER!!   May God bless you!

Thank you for taking the time to read this long post today, and don’t forget to subscribe, please! Are you on Pinterest? So am I! Follow me here Kingdom Habitation

3 responses to “How to stop the accusing thoughts against your Husband”

  1. […] Are you overwhelmed with the duties and cares of being a wife and cannot seem to find that place of peace in your life?  Are you still believing the world when they say “that is just what a wife does, welcome to being a wife/mom?” If so then perhaps you need a place to go hide and retreat from all of this wife and mom work!  Today we will be talking about that perfect place for you to hide, and I don’t mean in the bathroom or closet just so you can get your sanity, I am going to be talking about that place that will produce fruit in you in such a way that it will transform you into the wife God intended you to be! Also if you have not gotten caught up on last week’s blog about becoming a kingdom wife please read here Becoming a Kingdom Wife: Part 2 – The Accusing Wife […]


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